My 2nd speech @ Toastmasters

After a long time I gave my 2nd speech @ Toastmasters meet. Here is the complete text of the script.


(Before beginining just some formalities. Need to say "Good Evening to Madam ToastMaster, Fellow ToastMasters and Dear Guests")

We all have fantasies (pause). We all lived our fantasies through Jim Carrey's eyes in Bruce Almighty. Who would not want to have all those powers? For those of you who have no clue as to what I'm talking about then at least go and watch "God Tussi Great Ho". I must admit that if there were a real Bruce he could have done something to stop this movie from releasing :).

Given the situation that the entire world is in financial crisis and scams. I think it is about time that we got one Bruce to ourselves to fix the world. As charity begins at home I have taken upon myself to comprehend what would I do in Pune should I be the Almighty! The only difference will be that I will only get to use my power once (small pause).

The reason why I would like this restriction is because if I get to do what I want there will be beer in my kitchen taps. Tequila in the shower. Friday will be declared as a weekend. Leading lady of "Singh is King" will call me after every one hour. A new highway will start from my new house. I will get paid to buy things. I will ban all women in Pune from wearing headscarves, why bloody wear a headscarf when you are already wearing a helmet and with so many handsome guys (try to adjust the caller in order to mention that I am talking about myself) waiting for a glimpse. I will fix all roads and make them non-diggable, so that even when I resign from my Godly position those useless characters won't trouble us with the unneccessary digging. I will bless all the Punekars with descent driving sense, I will give them good eyesight so they know the difference between a footpath and a road. I will create a Pollywood in Pune on similar lines as Bollywood in Bombay. This will ensure that all gorgeous girls in Pune can pursue their modelling and acting careers in the city itself and they won't leave the city. Also there would not be any beauty-drain like brain-drain. (Give a long pause about 4-5 seconds. Let audience wonder as to what I will be speaking next)

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for everyone in Pune to become educated. Everyone will have a PhD. It will take our literacy rate to the heavens but I'm not sure how that will help the other issues as educated people are amongst the biggest offenders. Hmm - now what?

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for everyone to be honest. That would take care of bunch of things, criminals walking into police stations, tax evaders walking into IT office and bribes being sent back. This could open a can of worms and trust me - we don't want worms in Pune. Money has to move to grow - if everyone is honest it won't grow. Hmm - now what?

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for everyone in Pune to become stress free. That will make life easier but it will spoil thins again. Kids will not study, People will not work, Cow won't give milk. Hmm - now what?

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for the entire city to be migrated to Australia. Why? I say why not? They have ample space and a good cricket team. They have good roads and infrastructure and do I need to even mention the women? We, of course wont change and become like them, instead we will make them like us.So Australia will become the New India. So in trying to making and India of global standards we will end up making the globe of Indian standarads. Hmm - now what?

So Pune, as you can see even God cannot help us but don't worry there is hope. The only thing that can work ( and I mean it) is if I wish for everyone to be happy doing whatever it is that they do. Bribe makes you happy - go ahead. Killing people with your driving makes you happy - go ahead. Scamming makes you sleep at night - go ahead. Cheating makes you happy - go ahead. Dirtying the city gives you pleasure - go ahead. After all being selfish is not a crime so let us all just do that and be happy. (Now I need to be serious as I am drawing towards conclusion) But remember - courage can make you happy. A profession of your choice will make you happy. Contributing to society and protecting nature will add to your happiness too. You already have the power to make the choice.You already know what's right and you can make the difference if you want to. So you see, my intervention will only make you lazier and more complacent. So I leave the future of this world in your hands- make it or break it- it's your choice. In the end, you would have chosen the future of this planet. Even I don't know what you will do. I'll just sit back and watch the future unfold.
Thank you. (Then say "Over to MoC for the day ToastMaster XYZ").