My 3rd speech @ ToastMasters

Here is the text of my 3rd speech.

Gone are the days when only women had the inclination to look pretty, though they still spend endless hours at salons and countless money on products to look gorgeous and ravishing. They spend on beauty products like mascara, eyeliners, lipsticks, mesmerizing perfumes and "n" number of other fancy items to have a different look. I guess natural beauty is only a myth now. Also women keep on complaining that they lag behind men in some fields like in automobile industry or in aviation industry for becoming an airplane pilot. Similarly, we men also think that we lag behind women in the particular field of looking beautiful. Never mind, we are catching up in this field as well. Let me give you an example, earlier there was "Fair and Lovely" cream exclusively for women, so we men thought, "Why should girls have all the fun?" so now we have "Fair and Handsome" cream for us. Women watch out - here come the men.

I am sure that the men salon concept across India is close to being identical but I must say that experience has been an eye opener. The place I visit always has a surprise for me so I thought of sharing some of them.

This groom-to-be had come with his entourage to get ready for D-Day. He probably wanted to look 'fairer' so he must have tried at least two-three treatments to wipe off the dark shade pestered on his face. All attempts failed. To give you the exact picture - imagine 20 pounds of talcum powder on Courtney Walsh's face. His entourage was loyal and they encouraged him to put 20 pounds more.

Before I explain the next incidence you have to understand that men share a lot of details and talk a lot with the barber. Owing to this fact I found out that the guy sitting next to me wanted to spend 3 hours at the salon as his mom-in-law was going to be at his place for that long. To kill time the dude took a hair cut (he was partially bald), took an oil massage (the sound of the barber's hand whacking the bald terrain was something), took a facial and got his nails cut (now that is really disrespecting the mother-in-law). He was so adamant that he had more time to kill; he would have started helping the other customers too. By the way I will not discuss what I was doing for those 3 hours.


The entire salon went quiet when a Chinese national walked in. He must have been a gutsy one. He could barely speak English so the barber had to turn to me for help - 'Arey - yeh haka noodles kya bol raha hai'. I explained to the best of my capabilities. Unfortunately it turned out that my Chinese version of English is not good! Poor fellow was literally in tears and left crying.

I will be very honest. In spite of all of this chaos I really enjoy my time there, as it is 'the' guy space. No inhibitions and no hassles. I think I can say this with confidence that women don't have a single space like this and for that they should be jealous. After all men are from Mars.

My 2nd speech @ Toastmasters

After a long time I gave my 2nd speech @ Toastmasters meet. Here is the complete text of the script.


(Before beginining just some formalities. Need to say "Good Evening to Madam ToastMaster, Fellow ToastMasters and Dear Guests")

We all have fantasies (pause). We all lived our fantasies through Jim Carrey's eyes in Bruce Almighty. Who would not want to have all those powers? For those of you who have no clue as to what I'm talking about then at least go and watch "God Tussi Great Ho". I must admit that if there were a real Bruce he could have done something to stop this movie from releasing :).

Given the situation that the entire world is in financial crisis and scams. I think it is about time that we got one Bruce to ourselves to fix the world. As charity begins at home I have taken upon myself to comprehend what would I do in Pune should I be the Almighty! The only difference will be that I will only get to use my power once (small pause).

The reason why I would like this restriction is because if I get to do what I want there will be beer in my kitchen taps. Tequila in the shower. Friday will be declared as a weekend. Leading lady of "Singh is King" will call me after every one hour. A new highway will start from my new house. I will get paid to buy things. I will ban all women in Pune from wearing headscarves, why bloody wear a headscarf when you are already wearing a helmet and with so many handsome guys (try to adjust the caller in order to mention that I am talking about myself) waiting for a glimpse. I will fix all roads and make them non-diggable, so that even when I resign from my Godly position those useless characters won't trouble us with the unneccessary digging. I will bless all the Punekars with descent driving sense, I will give them good eyesight so they know the difference between a footpath and a road. I will create a Pollywood in Pune on similar lines as Bollywood in Bombay. This will ensure that all gorgeous girls in Pune can pursue their modelling and acting careers in the city itself and they won't leave the city. Also there would not be any beauty-drain like brain-drain. (Give a long pause about 4-5 seconds. Let audience wonder as to what I will be speaking next)

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for everyone in Pune to become educated. Everyone will have a PhD. It will take our literacy rate to the heavens but I'm not sure how that will help the other issues as educated people are amongst the biggest offenders. Hmm - now what?

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for everyone to be honest. That would take care of bunch of things, criminals walking into police stations, tax evaders walking into IT office and bribes being sent back. This could open a can of worms and trust me - we don't want worms in Pune. Money has to move to grow - if everyone is honest it won't grow. Hmm - now what?

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for everyone in Pune to become stress free. That will make life easier but it will spoil thins again. Kids will not study, People will not work, Cow won't give milk. Hmm - now what?

Time to use the power once - I think I will wish for the entire city to be migrated to Australia. Why? I say why not? They have ample space and a good cricket team. They have good roads and infrastructure and do I need to even mention the women? We, of course wont change and become like them, instead we will make them like us.So Australia will become the New India. So in trying to making and India of global standards we will end up making the globe of Indian standarads. Hmm - now what?

So Pune, as you can see even God cannot help us but don't worry there is hope. The only thing that can work ( and I mean it) is if I wish for everyone to be happy doing whatever it is that they do. Bribe makes you happy - go ahead. Killing people with your driving makes you happy - go ahead. Scamming makes you sleep at night - go ahead. Cheating makes you happy - go ahead. Dirtying the city gives you pleasure - go ahead. After all being selfish is not a crime so let us all just do that and be happy. (Now I need to be serious as I am drawing towards conclusion) But remember - courage can make you happy. A profession of your choice will make you happy. Contributing to society and protecting nature will add to your happiness too. You already have the power to make the choice.You already know what's right and you can make the difference if you want to. So you see, my intervention will only make you lazier and more complacent. So I leave the future of this world in your hands- make it or break it- it's your choice. In the end, you would have chosen the future of this planet. Even I don't know what you will do. I'll just sit back and watch the future unfold.
Thank you. (Then say "Over to MoC for the day ToastMaster XYZ").

Rain - Pain or Joy

(This speech was delivered by me at IPTMC. I was the Seargeant At Arms(opening batsman in simple terms) )

Black clouds gather in the sky. A gentle breeze blows. Birds starts chirping. Thunderous sound is heard from the clouds. Theres a silver lining in the sky. Rain gods shower themselves. Well the rainy season has started and so the season of love and romance. Farmers are excited and expect bumper crops. Rains bring cheers to these farmers. Everyone is happy until rain pours in sufficient amount. The moment rain become violent, natures fury takes over. There are floods which results in the loss of human and property. The joy turns into pain.

Down memory lane...

It was the start of rainy season. Rain gods were showering in a drizzle, making a statement of their arrival. I had completely submerged myself in the fury of nature only to be disturbed by my mother. "Son your class starts today". Within fraction of a second I glanced at my watch. It was already late. I stumbled for few seconds. It was an uneasy feeling for me as I didn’t had any hint as how my new class will be. I hurried myself by picking some blank notebooks and pushing it into my bag. I rode myself on a bike, making a way in those thick droplets of increasing intensity.

I was greeted in my new class by a rather morose teacher. She wore thick specks, had curly hair and had a wooden stick in her hand. For a moment I looked at the stick and thought “Will I end up beaten on the first day itself”. “Ohh well don’t get afraid of the stick dear, it’s never used to beat students”, my new teacher answered me with a smile.

As I entered the class I saw two students were busy replicating some notes in their books. They sat on a clean mat. The first student was a boy studying in 4th standard called as Rohan. The other was a girl in 7th standard. The girl Rekha had a slim personality yet had sturdy looks. She looked studious, a book worm. The boy was a witty kid. Only later I knew that both were brother and sister. Both looked towards me with great curiosity and were amazed with my lanky looks. We introduced ourselves and had a small chat.

I was getting accustomed to the new environment. My new teacher asked a few general questions to me and gave me a small assignment. I was busy working on my new assignment when a gorgeous girl emerged in the class. She wore a red colored Cinderella dress. Her hair was short which just managed to touch her shoulders. Her straight hairs were lined-up backwards. A red hair band added beauty to those hairs. Her eye brows were neatly aligned. She wore a beautiful smile on her face representing a trademark of the blessed personality. Her eyes were the one which caught my attention. That black pair of eyes were the source of attraction. For fraction of a second, I plunged myself into those beautiful pair of eyes.

She sat next to Rekha and had a small laugh with her. After couple of minutes, she introduced herself to me. “Hello I am Tejashri. You can call me Teju” and gave her trademark smile to me. Like her name she carried brightness, charm and sheer elegance. I was happy because we both were in the same standard. We worked on some small assignments and called it a day. We left the class. Rain had stopped and a gentle wind was blowing. We walked for a minutes after which our paths were going to be parted. We bid adieu to ourselves.

For the first time in my life I could hear my heart thump.